That Don't Look Right

In today's story, That Don't Look Right, Eloise anxiously awaits the unveiling of her newest creation

Today's prompt came from my friend Gretchen Schutte, who is also a meditation and yoga teacher. You can learn more about her offerings at PeaceinthePause.com. 

If you enjoy today's story, please share it with your friends and leave a review for Freely Written. You can also send me  a prompt suggestion, and I'll be sure to credit you in the episode. Thank you!

More about Susan Quilty

Susan Quilty mainly writes novels, including two standalone novels and her current YA series: The Psychic Traveler Society.  Susan's short stories for Freely Written are created during quick writing breaks and shared as a way to practice her narration skills before she dives into recording audio versions of her novels.

Website:  SusanQuilty.com
Facebook: Freely Written
The Freely Written Book: Freely Written Vol. 1
Freely Written merch: Bitter Lily Books Shop

Transcript

Below is the transcript for Season 1, Episode 134 of Freely Written, a podcast by author Susan Quilty:

Welcome to Freely Written where a simple prompt leads to a little unplanned fiction. 

[Light piano music]

Hi, friends! I’m Susan Quilty and today’s prompt is That Don’t Look Right.

When I’m choosing prompts for these podcast stories, I often use an idiom or a phrase that I might have heard in conversation. I have a list of prompts that I add to from time to time, so I can grab one at random. Sometimes, friends or listeners give me suggestions, too. 

Today’s prompt came from my friend Gretchen Schutte. Gretchen is a fellow yoga teacher, and you can learn more about her meditation and yoga offerings at PeaceinthePause.com. Yet the prompt she offered for today has nothing to do with yoga and everything to do with a story she was telling me about a problem with her car and the man who took one look at it and said, That don’t look right. Not what you want to hear, but luckily it turned out to be a minor, easily fixed problem. 

It the midst of her story, when Gretchen repeated his words, she stopped herself to say, “that should be a story prompt!” And so, it is. 

As always, I wrote today’s story using my Freely Written process, where I sit down with my prompt, write whatever comes to mind—with no planning and very little editing—then record the story and share it with you. 

I really enjoy the freedom of free writing these quick stories. Especially while I’m in the midst of writing my next novel—which takes a lot of planning and editing. And editing. And editing. If you want to read any of my previous novels, please shop for them on my website, SusanQuilty.com, or look up “Susan Quilty” wherever you buy books.

There are links in the show notes for both my website and Gretchen’s yoga website. We would both love for you to check them out!

And now, on to today’s story:

That Don’t Look Right

It was a beautiful morning in the Terrestrial Animal Department at the Center for Innovative World Building. Eloise lingered by a large arched window, surveying the boundless meadow where dragon ponies lazily grazed and billy rabbits displayed their gracefully curved horns. 

Eloise sighed at the sight of these lovely creatures. She had assisted in their creation many years ago and had been rewarded with high honors at the Creators’ Visionary World Symposium. Yet here they were, mere months from the next symposium, and Eloise had nothing exciting enough to share. 

Her team had been hard at work, of course, trying out translucent wings on pastel bullfrogs and attempting to piece together cheetahs with emus. Both projects were pushing the boundaries of the Terrestrial Animal Department, but Eloise argued that wings were allowed as long as they didn’t provide more than a short hopping glide. 

Some on her team disagreed with that distinction, whispering that Eloise was perhaps not the best leader for their department. They didn’t want a terrestrial creator whose head was in the clouds instead of on solid ground. Eloise ignored the gossip. She knew she had earned her promotion, even if she’d yet to lead her team to an award-winning design. Besides, she had other ideas in mind. 

“Lavender tea?” 

Eloise turned to see her assistant, Marphew, carrying a small tray with two cups of steaming blue liquid. She accepted hers gratefully and reluctantly turned from the window. 

“Any word on the calves yet?” Marphew asked, setting the empty tray on a small table and sipping from his own cup. 

Eloise simply shook her head. Her latest stroke of inspiration had taken weeks to design, and her breed team had been working around the clock to bring the first litter to life. 

“It’s gettin’ harder all the time,” Marphew said sympathetically. “How do they expect originality year after year. At some point, ain’t it all been done before?”

Marphew’s words were light, almost jocular, but Eloise’s jaw twitched in irritation. 

“Hasn’t it,” she corrected through clenched teeth. “It’s not all about originality. There’s an elegance of design that matters more. A certain functionality that proceeds form.”

She stopped herself from launching into the same lecture Marphew, and all of her team, had heard before. It was all well and good to create an animal with a striking appearance but too many designers had gotten away from giving their subjects traits that would enrich their lives in some tangible way.

“The evolution thing.” Marphew set down his cup and reached for a tablet to check for messages from the breed team. 

“Yes,” Eloise agreed with forced patience. “The evolution thing.” 

While most world builders were enchanted by their prime one species and strove for ways to keep them pristine, Eloise felt there was a greater beauty far down the line of descendant species. It was miraculous to consider the surprising ways creatures could adapt and change to better fit their environments. 

Instead of moving from one fresh world to the next, Eloise longed to break away from the Center for Innovative World Building and join the Guild of Intergalactic Anthropology. She wanted to travel to far off, long forgotten worlds to see how early species had changed in the thousands or millions of years since the world builders had moved to a new galaxy. 

Eloise was particularly enchanted by stories that trickled in about Earth, an isolated blue marble floating in the far reaches of distant space. World builders eagerly sifted through the anthropologic explorers’ reports for design inspiration, but no one else expressed an interest to travel to an ancient world to see these crudely evolved species for themselves. 

“The calves are ready,” Marphew announced with a quick clap and broad smile. He was still reading the new message, and Eloise watched as his face slowly fell. 

“Bad news?” Her hopes had been low for this project. Something she had tried to hide from her team.

“I don’t know,” Marphew said slowly, his eyes still skimming the screen. “They want us to come down.”

Eloise nodded. They gathered some simple supplies and entered the elevator that would take them down to the nursery pen. Like all of their creations, the calves would be young but rapidly aged to a point of basic survival. If they were promising, they could be quickly aged through reproduction, allowing study of a generation or two before deciding if they were viable for the new world they were populating. 

When they reached the nursery pen, Eloise and Marphew could feel the breed team’s growing apprehension. They lingered near the elevator, wringing hands and darting their eyes from one to another before stepping aside to let Eloise pass. 

Upon entering the nursery, Eloise stopped and stared at their newest creations. Marphew stopped beside her and drew in a sharp breath. 

“That don’t look right,” he said, causing the build team to shift uncomfortably.

Eloise remained quiet. She stepped closer to the new calves, their catchall term for new younglings. Her eyes glinted as she took in their general form. Bipeds. Two arms, two legs. One head, topped with shaggy hair, attached to nearly hairless bodies. 

It was better than her wildest dreams. These new creatures resembled the apes she had seen in reports, yet more closely mirrored the image of herself and the other world builders.

“Can they speak?” she asked the room at large. The breed team shuffled folders, waiting to see who would answer first. 

“Human,” one of the creatures said, patting itself on the chest. 

“That’s the name we gave them,” one of the senior breeders told Eloise nervously. 

“We taught them a few words,” another added. “To see if their vocal grunts could repeat them. And they seem to understand.”

“Yes, they would,” Eloise answered with pride in her voice. Though she had spent long days and nights designing this new genetic code, she had not imagined such stunning results. 

The calves—the humans—were a mix of creature and creator. A new species that could evolve in exciting new ways. Eloise felt a tremble through her chest at the thrill of possibility. 

“What do you think?” she asked Marphew shrewdly. But Marphew was blinking in the same discomfort as the breed team.

“That don’t look right,” he repeated, then ran a hand over his gaping jaw. “We’re submitting that to the symposium?”

“Of course not,” Eloise answered. 

Eloise didn’t need honors from the symposium. She had bigger plans. She would hide them away on an ancient plant, maybe Earth, if she could get them there. Keep their existence a secret from the other world builders and watch them from a distance.

She looked around the room with a thin smile, wondering what it would take to keep this a secret and knowing that she would do whatever it took to keep her creation safe. 

The End 

Thanks for listening. That one took an interesting turn. If you enjoyed today’s story, please share it with your friends and check out some of the stories in past episodes. You can listen in any order, and you never know what you will get in a Freely Written story. 

While these quick drafts are fun to write, I would love for you to read my finished novels. Please look them up on my website, SusanQuilty.com, or wherever you buy books.

Until next time, try a little free writing of your own. Let go of any planning and see where your imagination takes you. 

[Light piano music]